The Epic Tale of Marshall Pike and Joy Bitterman
by of self
Summary: He was searching for the cheese to his macaroni. And she was searching for her Prince Charming. Marshall/Ms.Bitterman. AU.


**The Epic Tale of Marshall Pike and Joy Bitterman.**

/

Once a upon a time, in a land far far away from our own, a land glittering and golden, very puzzlingly called Hollywood—when there was no Holly of any kind there really, there resided a fair maiden by the name of Joy Bitterman. She resided in a castle lovingly named, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. As was her name, she was quite contradictory. She scowled when other's laughed, she laughed when other's scowled, she cried when other's smiled and she smiled when other's cried. As you can see, she was quite contrary.

She was a learned maiden who once upon a time had been a sailor. In her days as a sailor, she sailed from port to port and presented performances of her theatrical piece, The Twelve Angry Sailors. Sadly she was derided for her lack of talent and her bad accents and being furious, our lovely maiden called her audience a bunch of heathens with no appreciation for her fine art. She packed her bags and named herself Joy Bitterman and sailed away to the Land of Hollywood, vowing never to act again.

Instead, she would tutor the fine upstanding citizens of Hollywood and teach them all that she knew. What she didn't know was that she was also signing up to poke her eyes out with forks as she read their pitiful essays and attempted to teach them fractions of the decimal kind.

She despaired over their essays—written with improper grammar and a much too overactive imagination. She wept copious tears over their math homework and their geography maps. Was there no one that could save her from this spontaneously gouging her eyes out with forks inducing misery?

Oh how she longed for her Prince Charming to ride upon a white steed and sweep her away into the sunset and then kiss her and proclaim her as his true love and the queen of his castle.

Everyday as the sun rose; she sat at her window, looking picturesquely bitter and sorrow, and wished and waited for a miracle to happen.

/

Unknown to her, a fair and dashing fellow—though he was sadly no longer young, but he was still dashing and sophisticated and everything a fair maiden could ever ask for in a man. Well he wasn't fair and dashing by our standards but he was fair and handsome in a way only our fair maiden would appreciate.

Everyday he walked past her castle because you see; he had to pass her castle to get to his which was named Studio 61 on the Sunset Strip, which was next to hers in the studio lot. One day he happened to take one look at the window and just like that, he feel head over heels in love with the fair woman sitting at her window, looking a picture of winsome bitterness.

This dashing and handsome fellow was Marshall Pike, Director of the hit comedy show So Random. For long he had roamed the verdant forests of evergreen bachelorhood but now Marshall wanted to be a bachelor no more. He had found the princess to his prince charming.

He asked around and found that she was the teacher of his hellion charges. He had been called to meet her many a time but had begged off citing some work or the other because his charges had quite frankly told him, she was bitter and angry and SCARY. And that worried him because he didn't like scary things because they gave him peptic ulcers. But had it he known it was a fair maiden of the theatrical persuasion, especially the one he had fallen in love with, he would have gladly gone to get yelled at by her and stare at her lovely visage all day. It would have given him a peptic ulcer for sure but nothing couldn't be cured by a little bit of love sugar right?

Now he would just have to convince that her that she was the cheese to his macaroni. But how would he do that?

Aha! A bulb lit up over his head. He had it. He would hold a grand ball and work the crowds as a masked gentleman. He would send out an invitation to every person in the studio lot of Disney studios, even that reprehensible blackguard Murphy. That way, he could seek out this fair maiden and together they would forever be entwined in happy matrimony.

He imagined a ball, complete with twinkling lights, a big ballroom and sparkling champagne which overflowed from delicately stemmed glasses. It would be magnificent and he would also be the talk of the town and that way, he could also promote his show and show that other director, _that_, that he was the better director since So Random was doing much better than that terrible excuse for a drama, Mackenzie Falls.

Yes, in addition to all of his accomplishments he was a thinking man too.

/

The day of the ball dawned fair and bright. For once Marshall had ensured that his hellions would cause him no trouble and he made sure that they were gainfully employed. Zora was in charge of event co-ordination because frankly, she was much too intelligent for her own good and when she asked Marshall in her scary squeaky voice to be allowed to co-ordinate the event he had agreed immediately out of fear for the remaining hair on his head. Because he was sure if he did not agree, she would find some way or the other to make him completely bald. She was scary like that and in addition to having plentiful peptic ulcers he didn't want to be bald too.

Evening fell and the ball began in earnest.

Sonny was in charge of welcoming everyone and was doing a splendid job of it. Chad Dylan Cooper was hanging onto her every word and gazing at her with dog like devotion. Marshall frowned. Was there some hanky panky going on here that he didn't know of?

But he presently had more pressing matter to take care of. He had to find his fair maiden like ASAP.

Tawni was being the discreet and well mannered hostess. Though some other fellow James Conroy from Mackenzie Falls who seemed to keep following her around. She threw him annoyed glances every now and then and tried to direct him elsewhere and away from her, but the fellow seemed besotted with her. And the more annoyed glances she threw him, the more besotted he became. Marshall frowned once more.

What was with Mackenzie Falls boys and So Random girls? He would conduct a through investigation soon, only after he found his fair maiden though.

Nico and Grady were dressed to kill and were walking around soft-footed and proffering delicate champagne flutes on silver trays with no emotions on their faces. He was going to congratulate them on being such good boys when suddenly, Grady tripped, therefore making Nico trip and therefore depositing a tray full of expensive champagne into the heaving bossom of a matronly old lady. Marshall discreetly backtracked. He was on a mission and he couldn't allow old matrons to deter him as they were often wont to do.

He was just walking towards the desserts table, where he spied a lovely little chocolate gateau. On his intrepid way however, he bumped into someone and when he looked down, he found his arms full of a brown dress, red hair and a bitter smile, under a mask which covered her half her face. Marshall longed to gaze into her eyes and stare into the depths of those grey pools of raw emotion.

"Care to dance milady," he asked in suave and husky voice. He couldn't find his fair maiden and he might as well dance and scour the ballroom at the same time, looking for her.

"Are you choking?" Ms. Bitterman asked with bitterness. He smiled in delight. It was her, his fair maiden. He recognized from the bitter tone of her voice.

"No, I am merely blinded by the beauteous wonder that I hold in my arms. Come dance the night away with me." And with those pretty words Marshall swept her away. They danced and danced, their feet merely brushing the floor. They were carried about on the wings of love and Marshall sighed into her hair as he smelt oranges and lemons.

Suddenly the clock struck twelve and Marshall stepped away with a gasp.

"What is it? Ms. Bitterman asked with confusion.

"It's twelve o'clock. I have to go; otherwise, my mother will not let me go to the movies this weekend! I am sorry but I have to go. Farewell my beautiful darling. May the gods above smite me for committing such a heinous crime." Marshall cried as he began running away towards the stairs.

"But wait, I don't even know your name and also you left your toupee behind." Ms. Bitterman cried out sadly, feeling quite put out at this sudden weird behavior. Yes, in his hurry to get away, Marshall had left his spectacular toupee behind. Ms. Bitterman vowed then and there that she would find her Prince Charming. She would scour the studios of Disney studios with a mask and a toupee in her hand until she found her man.

/

Marshall sighed into his coffee. Oh unhappy day. Ever since the ball a week ago, where he had left in such a dramatic and disastrous fashion, he couldn't bring himself to face Ms. Bitterman. He did want to face her and confess his undying love to her but alas, fate wasn't with him and refused to give him a second chance.

Curses! Damn and damnation! Why was it like this?

/

Ms. Bitterman sighed. She had placed the toupee and mask on everyman so far and not one of them had turned out to be her Prince Charming. There was only one man left now and Ms. Bitterman wasn't particularly enamored with the idea of asking him. Marshall Pike. He was the director of So Random and he never turned up for any PTA meeting. But thoroughness was a virtue as was patience and if she wanted her Prince Charming; she would have to wade through the muck to find him.

She walked to his office.

"Pike. Wear the toupee and the mask." She said dryly as Marshall Pike gasped and stared at her in horror. Marshall put it on and immediately Ms. Bitterman was transformed.

"It was you. You are my Prince Charming."

"Yes, it was me. Joy my sweet; I want to tell you are the cheese to my macaroni and the peanut butter to my jelly. I love you. Will you have me?" Marshall said coming around his desk and getting down on his knees in front of her.

Joy clapped her hands in happiness. She had finally found her Prince Charming. Oh happy day!

"Gladly my stud muffin. Take my hand and together we shall ride off into the sunset as all cheesy Hollywood movies do end." Marshall grabbed her hand and they both ran off to the parking lot and jumped in Marshall's car. He revved up the engine and backed out of the parking lot and then they went zooming down the road.

And against the backdrop of a setting sun, they shared a kiss as they rode off into the sunset, laughing happily.

They finally found what they had been looking for all along.

A happy ending.

* * *

I love Chad and Sonny dearly but I wanted to branch out a bit. So I'm gonna try to write for all the characters excluding Chad and Sonny. And I also wrote this because everyone needs their own love story and I couldn't resist giving them one even though it I made it very parody-esque. :)

I don't own SWAC. Or Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. It just seemed like a nice name to use because I know zilch about Hollywood.


End file.
